Sunday, 22 February 2015

Ramblings on Gratitude - week 8

Looking back on week 8 I have to say this might be my best week so far in 2015. But when I listen to my inner voice I have to admit that most of the days in this week were the best since my career change. The very best! I think you want to know why? I’m trying out new teaching techniques. I’m combining 3 learning techniques (cognitive, affective & regulative) and sharing control with the students. The effect blows my mind.  Lots of interaction with 12 students 8 hours long! At the end of the day, both the students and I were impressed with the fun we had and how quickly the day flew by. It really didn’t feel like 8 hours of learning. And at the end of the day we concluded that we had all learned a lot. A couple of days later I tried it out again, and wow, the same effect. I seem to have a natural tendency for the constructivist approach to teaching and learning.
Constructivism is an approach to teaching and learning based on the premise that cognition (learning) is the result of "mental construction." In other words, students learn by fitting new information together with what they already know. Constructivists believe that learning is affected by the context in which an idea is taught as well as by students' beliefs and attitudes
(Renate N.Caine and Geoffrey Caine, 1991). I’m definitely going learn more about this approach or should I say teaching paradigm?

So I was on a roll till Thursday 1.30pm. After connecting with this one person I had to do some soul searching. What is it about this person that sucks all the happiness and energy out of me? I’ve been pondering on this moment ever since. Well I have found my answer. When INFJs have strong feelings or opinions about someone we often tend to express them in one way or another since this type of expression comes natural to us because of the Extraverted Feeling (Fe). This is why INFJs can be very loving and caring with the people we like but find it hard to get along with people we don’t like. And there we have it: INFJs can often end up in heated debates with other people when we feel they act careless, selfish or in any other way pose a treat to our values.

As an INFJ I have the ability to see both sides of people. The good side but also the bad ones. I see people for who they really are. This ability really sucks! I see what intentions they have and the way they value. I know when somebody is dishonest with me and that gets me every time. I can’t leave it alone. I think this is soooooo wrong! So when someone hurts me in some way, where most other people might get angry, I can only feel pity because I know that on a existential level this person can’t help it because it is part of who they are. That we all have our demons and even though we are aware how they make me or others suffer, it’s very difficult to change. So what does stupid me do, I forgive people even though they might not deserve it. This gets me in big trouble! Being forgiving makes me weak. People take advantage of me because of this weakness to forgive. And guess what? This makes this person feel wonderful. After ending the conversation, this person left all happy and bubbly. It would make me very happy if I could choose to not spend any time with this person but sadly this is not possible.

Why I feel drained after this encounter is because we, INFJs, tend to internalize a lot of our feelings.  We INFJs are very feeling oriented type of personality. We are deeply emotional and most of our problems in life will relate to this heightened emotional sensitivity. I really need to learn more how my Extraverted Feeling (Fe) affects me. That would help me create more stability in my life and maybe even serenity. And, all of a sudden we are back to time management LOL

To gain more control on my emotions, I need realize that when somebody gets me angry or upset, it is really that external energy that affects me. I choose how to react and that determines how I feel. It isn’t that person! I can learn, with practice, to change how this person affects me.

Slowly, after 50 years, acceptance is taking place. I will never really truly fit in. But I’m okay with this. The feeling of not fitting in is common to INFJs, until you manage to find the right people that are more like you. Well I’ve finally found that place and those people. I'm happy and for that I'm grateful. 

Nearly all my life I’ve felt like I’m from a different planet than other people. As I get misunderstood a lot (and it is not because of a language barrier LOL). I’m finally over that feeling to try to change myself in order to fit in. As in the end it will only drain all my energy even more since I can’t be something I’m not. So I’ve stopped trying! Well I want to stop trying to change, but there are instances when I realise I’m still learning to let go. The ‘others‘ have to accept me as I am. It is their loss, not mine. I think and believe we are all biologically wired in different ways psychologically just as we all have different appearances and features. That makes this world for me such a fascinating place to live.

Today I’m putting some order into my life as a quiltmaker. Searched for all the Dear Jane blocks that I’ve been making. I haven’t been giving this quilt in progress all the attention it deserves. Coming week I’m having a quilt retreat. A retreat can be either a time of solitude or a community experience. My retreat will be held in silence. I will be quilting alone. It will be a time of reflection, threading the needle and sewing rhythmically all the pieces together. It will not be a community experience like most quilt retreats.  

Here are the blocks that have been made in the past 18 months.

Did you know that INFJs are also perfectionistic? We are often much harder on ourselves than we are on others. The Dear Jane helps me accept my perfectionism.  After nearly 4 years I’m still contemplating on redoing F-6, Deanie’s Daisies. One of the blocks in the second trip!

Looking forward to the coming week!

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