Thursday, 9 May 2013

Accepting without judgement

“To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.” ~ Lord Alfred Tennyson

To accept is to receive willingly, to give admittance to and to endure without protest or reaction. To accept is to recognize as true.

Judgement is a proposition stating something believed or asserted. Judgement is also the exercise of judging (discernment). To judge is to form an opinion through careful weighing of evidence and testing of premises.

Hamlet said, ‘There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.’

The way you experience anything is the way you choose to experience it. This is always how it is.

In the illusory reality in which I appear to be living, what is occurring is doing just that, occurring. All I can do is accept it, because that it is what it is, something occurring. I choose in every moment how I’m going to experience it – good, bad, OK, happy, sad, painful. These are all judgments that I make, and they confirm my reality of the moment. If the event or occurrence is ‘happy’ I want it to last; if it is ‘painful’ I want it to end. I’m really starting to see that while I keep on judging every moment I can never be at peace or feel content.

But I’m learning to let go and allow the moment to be what it is. In this I’m starting to experience divine peace.

It is finally dawning on me that I just need to accept the moment as it is, without judgment.

I need only to make a small mindset change! Think of nothing that happens as either good or bad. Stop judging, and stop expecting.

It’s a tiny change — easy peasy you would think! All I have to do is say, ‘That wasn’t good or bad, it just happened, it just is.’ Although it is a tiny mindset change, it takes a lot of practice. 

It isn’t easy! I get swayed up and down depending on whether good things or bad things happen to me, whether people (and their actions) are good or bad. Especially, the actions of ‘others’ make me want to slam the door shut and close the windows. To walk away.

I will learn to accept things as they are, and move within that landscape mindfully. I will no longer expect good things to happen (or bad things), but will just take things as they come, and be content with whatever comes. This hopefully means I will no longer be disappointed, or unhappy.

I do realize that it is my expectations that force me to judge whether something is good or bad. Need to learn to ignore my expectations that I have of me. But I also need ignore the expectations I think you have of me! Not lowering expectations, but eliminating them.

I’m starting to see that when people disappoint me, it’s not their fault. They’re just being who they are. It’s my expectations that are at fault.

I starting to see the landscape of my life as it actually is, without the filter of judgments or expectations. I choose to see things as they are, and to understand. I’m allowing myself to be curious as to why things are the way they are, why people act the way they act. It is ok to investigate, empathize, listen and try to put myself in your shoes.

The hardest lesson to grasp is that I can’t control life, or others, but I can control how I react. I like so many others are affected by environmental and economic factors beyond our control. I’m learning to accept. When things happen, I try to understand why they do, without judgment, and accept them as they are. I’m learning to accept people for who they are. And, accepting myself, without judgment, as I am.

I’ve been struggling with re-inventing my career. Struggling to find my self-worth and uniqueness. I see my gifts, I see my interests, I see my potential and I see my purpose. I am accepting who I want to be.  I’m going to be brave and let myself no longer be hindered by my and your expectations and judgements. I believe my new journey is starting! 


‘Guard your roving thoughts with a jealous care, for speech is but the dialer of thoughts, and every fool can plainly read in your words what is the hour of your thoughts’ ~ Lord Alfred Tennyson


1 comment:

Gale said...

Helen - I have another poem for you. The last sentence of the poem has become my mantra. I understand what you are experiencing and I'll be sending you peace. This life is an interesting process don't you think?


When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
— Wendell Berry