Saturday, 20 April 2013

Paradox of choice

We generally think the more options we have the more freedom we experience. But according to research, and you know I never question research outcomes, it seems that having too many choices paralyzes us instead of liberating us. Having too many options also results in too many expectations. Too many expectations leads to unhappiness, because when we have made a choice and are disappointed in the choice we have made, we blame ourselves.

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I feel responsible for the choices I have made the last couple of years. I’m slowly recognizing a repetitive pattern. I keep on basing my decisions on the wrong choices.  And, when you feel you have made the the wrong choice, you ultimately start blaming ‘yourself’ for you can’t blame anyone else.

I know I don’t avoid making decisions. But maybe I need to see what really influences me when I make a decision?  The problem, in a nutshell, is simply this: when I make decisions, I’m much more focused on what I have to lose than on what I might gain. I especially wanted to keep the salary level I had maintained and the privileges that came with the job. The last couple of years you could say I have been more prevention focused. I wanted to hang on to what I already had gotten and achieved. I also wanted the job security back that I had lost. I wanted a indefinite contract. Up till 2010 I have had jobs with a high level of job security, meaning there was a small chance of becoming unemployed. I guess the economy and business conditions have really changed. I need to accept this and see that this creates new opportunities. 

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I took upon a new belief at the end of 2010. I started to belief that I don’t have any influence in what I do or what I want. The ‘others’ have all the power and can change my life in a instant. They can make you redundant in a instant. I’ve let myself become uncertain and untrusting. I’ve lost my confidence to choose. I’ve lost the courage to dream.

Again, I have be forced to reassess my job choices. Although I do have to admit I wasn’t very happy with the choices I had made the last year. Things are now going to change for the better. I’ve decided to focus on what I can gain, and banish all thoughts of what I might lose. I’m not going to let ‘time’, security & money influence my decision. I’m going to make a list of all the ways in which I will benefit from this change. Most importantly, I’m going to shut out any thoughts about what could go wrong -- just refuse to give them my attention. With practice, I’m sure this thought-training exercise will become easier and eventually automatic. I’m focusing on the joy I will get from realizing my new dream.

“Because it’s only when you´re tested that you truly discover who you are. And it’s only when you´re tested that you discover who you can be. The person that you want to be does exist, somewhere in the other side of hard work and faith, and belief and beyond the heartache and fear of what life has.”
— Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill

I’m going to embrace who I was meant to be. Who I am. I’m going to focus on my deep passions and use the gifts I’ve been given. I’m taking a leap of faith.

These are the dreams I have. You, my reader of my blog, aren’t going to be surprised.

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This is ‘Me’!!

  • Helen the Carer (in life transitions)
  • Helen the Compassionate
  • Helen the Thinker
  • Helen the Brave Storyteller
  • Helen the Creator
  • Helen the Professional
  • Helen the Quiltmaker

I haven’t fulfilled all my dreams yet. But slowly, with courage & perseverance, I will  move toward them. 

I’m letting go of the past and going to ascertain my dream.

PS – I would like to help people think differently about the last phase of life (at whatever age). Through stories I hope to tell people that dying, bereavement & loss is a natural part of life. I also hope not only to care for those patients that are confronted with a life limiting illness but also their significant others, family, and friends. I'm hoping that I can play a role in helping society to accept that this phase is a normal progression of life. Naturally I’m considering writing about it and sharing my thoughts, insights & reflections in a new blog. Maybe even try to realize a old dream and write a book Happy. Remember that post at the end of 2009?

Thinking about a name for this blog. Any suggestions?

2 comments:

suz said...

Helen - don't sell yourself short - you are a remarkable woman and your writings have an impact on people. I read your blog a second time at home, in the evening, so I can truly pay attention to what you write. You are obviously a truly caring person and very insightful. I'm looking forward to what you will be writing next. Wish I could make a recommendation for a title, but I'm awful at that. Have a great week.

quilter501 said...

Grasping the Future of the End