Sunday, 11 November 2012

Making a choice

Slowly the realization is setting in. I need to make a choice. I’m not happy with how my day looks and how it is affecting my state of well-being. At wits endWhat is wrong with the picture underneath?graph 1

Last week I worked more than 55 hours. WhewFour evenings I didn’t come home before midnight! My body is showing a flight-or-fight response. My heart rate is between 100 en 110 for 14-days now! I’m sensing I won’t be able to keep up this pace much longer. I have to make a choice. But I can’t say ‘no’. I’m one of those people who first take care of others and than takes care of herself. It is really hard to say ‘no’! Because I truly believe I’m superwoman. I can do anything! Rolling on the floor

As of today this is how my day will look like.

graph 2

I’m going to sleep more and work less! I’m going to create time for those things that give me energy. 

The past 2 years has drained me. I have no reservoir of energy, it is completely tapped out. I’m trying to refill my reservoir. This was one of the reasons for changing jobs and accepting a step down from the career ladder.

Primarily I need to improve my physical energy level although a surplus of mental energy would be nice too. According to some psychological theories ‘we make use of only a small part of our possible mental and physical resources’. It can’t be true that I’m the only person in the world who has used up a huge portion of her resources, or can I? At the moment, the excessive on-the-job hassles is causing exhaustion. It doesn’t help if I work between 12 and 14 hours a day. It also doesn’t help that I meet a lot of complainers. It has really surprised me many people I meet through my work who complain and find wrong in everything and blame the ‘others’. However, what surprises me most is that I thought I could handle all this negativity. It seems I can’t. This insight frustrates me the most.

For those who feel exhausted this seems to be the remedy: drink plenty of water, exercise and get plenty of sleep. I need to practice what I preach. So I’m making a choice. I’m going to take loving care of ‘me’ and pay a little less attention to ‘you’.

I’m going to make more time for writing (blogging), quilting, meditating, yoga and exercise.

Check in next week to see how I’m doing. I will make this change! Worried

1 comment:

suz said...

Good for you! I think woman are taught to put others first - maybe not on purpose, but it is assumed from the time we are little girls that we will "mother" everyone else but ourselves. I didn't realize how insane my life was until my Mom passed away a couple of years ago. Dad had passed away 10 years earlier and my son was in college...and I was home alone, with no one to take care of but myself! I brought my son up by myself from the time he was 3 and then when he was 12 both my parents developed serious illnesses that required a lot of my time and energy...and I was working full time and traveling 2+ hours a day to/from work! I just got on that treadmill and kept pounding away until Mom died and the treadmill came to a screeching halt. I ended up very sick and realized I was completely worn out. It took me a couple of years to begin to find a new balance. Good luck with this new plan! I'm rooting for you.