Slowly the realization is setting in. I need to make a choice. I’m not happy with how my day looks and how it is affecting my state of well-being. 
What is wrong with the picture underneath?
Last week I worked more than 55 hours. 
Four evenings I didn’t come home before midnight! My body is showing a flight-or-fight response. My heart rate is between 100 en 110 for 14-days now! I’m sensing I won’t be able to keep up this pace much longer. I have to make a choice. But I can’t say ‘no’. I’m one of those people who first take care of others and than takes care of herself. It is really hard to say ‘no’! Because I truly believe I’m superwoman. I can do anything! 
As of today this is how my day will look like.
I’m going to sleep more and work less! I’m going to create time for those things that give me energy.
The past 2 years has drained me. I have no reservoir of energy, it is completely tapped out. I’m trying to refill my reservoir. This was one of the reasons for changing jobs and accepting a step down from the career ladder.
Primarily I need to improve my physical energy level although a surplus of mental energy would be nice too. According to some psychological theories ‘we make use of only a small part of our possible mental and physical resources’. It can’t be true that I’m the only person in the world who has used up a huge portion of her resources, or can I? At the moment, the excessive on-the-job hassles is causing exhaustion. It doesn’t help if I work between 12 and 14 hours a day. It also doesn’t help that I meet a lot of complainers. It has really surprised me many people I meet through my work who complain and find wrong in everything and blame the ‘others’. However, what surprises me most is that I thought I could handle all this negativity. It seems I can’t. This insight frustrates me the most.
For those who feel exhausted this seems to be the remedy: drink plenty of water, exercise and get plenty of sleep. I need to practice what I preach. So I’m making a choice. I’m going to take loving care of ‘me’ and pay a little less attention to ‘you’.
I’m going to make more time for writing (blogging), quilting, meditating, yoga and exercise.
Check in next week to see how I’m doing. I will make this change! 
1 comment:
Good for you! I think woman are taught to put others first - maybe not on purpose, but it is assumed from the time we are little girls that we will "mother" everyone else but ourselves. I didn't realize how insane my life was until my Mom passed away a couple of years ago. Dad had passed away 10 years earlier and my son was in college...and I was home alone, with no one to take care of but myself! I brought my son up by myself from the time he was 3 and then when he was 12 both my parents developed serious illnesses that required a lot of my time and energy...and I was working full time and traveling 2+ hours a day to/from work! I just got on that treadmill and kept pounding away until Mom died and the treadmill came to a screeching halt. I ended up very sick and realized I was completely worn out. It took me a couple of years to begin to find a new balance. Good luck with this new plan! I'm rooting for you.
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