Sunday, 8 May 2011

For those not celebrating Mother’s day

Today I would also like to stand still and focus on all the women that didn’t become a mother. 

  • Some of you are not mothers by choice.
  • Some of you are not mothers despite every effort you could make.

Whatever your reason for being childless, please know this: you are indeed a source of life to the world.

When I realized I wouldn’t become a mum my entire philosophy on life changed. Everything from career goals to relationships changed. I was so sure I too would be a mother one day. I’m sharing this with you as more people than I know don’t try to understand my sorrow and those of women who didn’t become a mother. It amazes me how many times I’m asked ‘are those your kids?’ even by people who I may call acquaintances. Or ‘how many kids do you have?’ ‘wouldn’t you have liked to have kids?’, ‘I understand, you are more focussed on your career?’ But this is the topper ‘why didn’t you have kids?’ Once people know I’m a quilter they just presume I too have kids. Funny that quilting is associated with nurture by so many. For me quilting is inspiring and broadens my creative self-expression. I just love learning more about the art and skill of quilt-making.

Today I realize I’m not one of the celebrated women in the world and I live in a world that doesn't celebrate women in general. You have to have that special status: being a mother.

I guess this is one of the by-products of buying into the commercialized illusion of Mother’s day. A large group of women is excluded today in today’s holiday.

So I’ll close this post with part of this lyric

Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to I can face anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman


Catskill Quilter said...

What a courageous and wonderful post! I myself am a mother (but know that it has at times gotten in the way of career goals) and one of my daughters is also a mother. I also have a daughter who is not a mother -- and believe me, she ROCKS in her own way! I love and cherish them both -- but thei motherhood or lack thereof is not why. I adore my two grandchildren, who live in Sweden, and I am equally proud of my daughter who touches the world in other ways, and so proud that in her spare time she has photos published in the NY Times. It is so fortunate that we as women can make our mark on the world in many diverse ways! We all have our diverse ways of making our presence known!

liz said...

Yes I am a mother. Let me say that Mother's Day is a load of commercial hokey. I hate that people are supposed to recognize your value as a mother/woman only one day of the year. It highlights how I am taken for granted for the other 364 days. So I don't buy into it. Instead, today we had family and friends around to enjoy a meal and the pleasant weather. It was nice just to stop and enjoy life.

Vivimarie V said...

Thanks for the awesome post. I live in a country where the culture is perhaps very different from yours, and the social pressure to become a mother is immense, and you are made to feel very inadequate if you are not a mother. Thank you for sharing, and look forward to your other posts.

Elisa Black said...

Thank you for sharing your story and a different perspective on Mother's Day. Even though there isn't a designated day for it, you are still very important as an aunt and a daughter and as a mom to your cat (and as an inspiring and talented quilter and blogger!)

nicolette said...

I applaud you! I just read your comment on Supergoof’s blog and I’m glad I discovered your blog that way!

Thanks from the bottom of my heart for this wonderful pos. I’m a quilter without kids, but more important I’m a woman who always wonders why I have to explain to people why we don’t hjave kids. Mothers are never asked why they became a mother...